Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been really busy. I have tons of schoolwork I have to do. Also, I have to practice golf (one of my many interests). I really have been meaning to post something sooner than now.

I have many drafts on here of blogs that I have started and not posted because I thought they were pointless or because I was stuck and had nothing else to say and it was just plain old confusing. But, today I am going to finish a blog.

Have you ever had a certain word stuck in your head? This week, the word that is stuck in my hand just so happens to be "escape". When I say escape, I mean a way to get away from reality. If that makes any sense...
But anyways, for me, when reality is too stressful for me and when I get absolutely fed up with what's going on in my life, I listen to music. as loud as it will go. In my opinion, the louder the music is, the better. It's my escape from life. Sometimes, I write. Like right now, as I write this, I am listening to RelientK (the best band ever, in my opinion) as loud as my iPod will allow it to go, and writing this. I'm escaping reality because I am too stressed with all the things going on in my life.

As I write this, I listen to the song "Be My Escape" by RelientK. I feel it kind of relates to what I'm about to say.

Sometimes, I block God out too. When I don't want to hear what God is telling me, when I don't want to see what He is throwing in my face, I block him out with music. I put headphones in and basically say "I don't care what You have to say to me or what You have to show me, I want to live my life my own way." This is wrong and I understand that.  But, I'm changing that.


I have listened to this song a million times in my life and it just now has a meaning to me. In other words, I've just now actually listened to the lyrics and I've just now realized what they're saying. 
So now, I post the lyrics and I hope you take the time to read them and comprehend them. Because they changed the way I am and they might do the same for you. 


I've given up on giving up slowly
I'm blending in so you won't even know me
Apart from this whole world that shares my fate
And this one last bullet you mention
Is my one last shot at redemption
'Cause I know to live you must give your life away
And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though there's no way of knowing where to go
I promise I'm going because
I got to get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I got to get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape
I've given up on doing this alone now
'Cause I've failed and I'm ready to be shown how
You’ve told me the way, and now I'm trying to get there
And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit, that I'm every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
'Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though there's no way of knowing where to go
I promise I'm going because
I got to get out of here
’Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can't shake
I got to get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape
I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I've made
And all I'm asking is for you to do what you can with me
But I can't ask you to give what you already gave
'Cause I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity
And I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though there's no way of knowing where to go
I promise I'm going because
I got to get out of here
I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I got to get out of here
And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape
I fought you for so long
I should have let you win
Oh, how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
Oh, but so were you
So were you 


So today, I ask those of you that actually read this: What is your Escape from reality? 


Well, sorry if this was boring and long, but it was something I felt I needed to write about.

Love, Bee.

P.S: If you have never ever ever heard RelientK, go listen to them now. (: 

Todays Secret...

August 24, 2010

Today, I got onto my blog. After a few days of no one finding or commenting on my blog and the one friends I actually told about this site telling me I was stupid for thinking I could get anywhere with this blog, I was ready to quit. I was tired of being discouraged and put down because I wanted to find people like me -- people that have secrets that they can't share with their own friends and family, people that want their secret to be heard. I had a dream to help people and I thought posting a blog would help. The one friend I told, my best friend, kept putting me down. I hated it.

Finally today, I logged in and checked to see if anyone had seen this. I saw that a person (Blah) had commented on my blog. I was overjoyed to see that I was in fact getting somewhere with this. I just have to take baby steps to make it big and not get discouraged so easily.

So, the question for this blog is: When was the last time you were discouraged and just wanted to give up on everything? What happened? What did it make you feel like?

August 22, 2010

Well, it's been a rough week. It was the first full week of school. That monday night, my best friend's (we'll call her S) friend from school committed suicide. I didn't know him, but because she was affected, I was affected. S cried almost every day. She told me that he was one of the happiest people she knew -- that he was always laughing. He graduated from high school in the spring of this year. He had gone to college for a few days and the Friday night before he killed himself, he went to the fair with S and a group from her school. It turns out that he just hung out with them to tell them goodbye. I've been told that he shot himself in the chest -- and this is not the easiest way to kill yourself because you might not die instantly... so I'm thinking he didn't really want to die, but what do I know? Anyways, the guy that killed himself didn't want to leave his friends and have to go to college -- or at least that's what I have been told. The guy had tons of friends that were affected. 

So my question for today is: Have you ever been affected by someone that has committed suicide? 

The First Blog. (:

I started this blog because I feel like people need a place to go to talk to other people with similar secrets. The website Sixbillionsecrets.com inspired me to start writing. That website has tons of anonymous posts about people that have relationship and family issues, are suicidal, were molested when they were younger, or just have a bad life. I am hoping to get this blog up and running soon. I don't really know exactly how to do what I want to do on here... but I'm going to try it out for a few weeks. If I get good feedback, hopefully I will keep this up and running.
So to start this stuff off, I'm gonna ask you guys to comment on this post and tell me what your secret is...

Love,
Bee